Sucky day

So this'll probably be long, I don't know it may not, just depends if I get carried away.

So I saw the plastic surgeon Dr Durham Smith today. Same guy from last summer and he seemed decent although he did not be feel it could be covered by insurance last year he was decent. This year I feel like he was a totally different Dr. He made a huge deal about my weight being about 10 lbs different than last summer and did not care about me having been on steroids practically since then or my weight loss recently. He is however submitting for a pannilectomy as well. He basically called me a fat ass too which really hurt. I didn't even want to eat dinner tonight and honestly I didn't really do much but oh well, it is what it is. I'm absolutely physically and emotionally worn out. I have 2 more appointments this week. Dr Meyers tomorrow and then physical therapy tomorrow. I'm hurting so badly though for real. I'd rather just die. I hate life anymore. It's such a struggle. I pray every night for God to take me. I don't really find much pleasure in life anymore but I guess that's just how life is. I really wish I could do an antidepressant. Maryl is going to have to find something to give me energy during they day and help me sleep at night. I need relief!! Idk how I'm going to do school without it. Honestly I'm worried about failing out of school right away anyways. I think we'll see how the first semester goes and If I do good I'll keep going. I will at least be able to say I tried.

I need to start cutting back how much soda I'm drinking and doing more water, etc Soo that's going to be my big goal tomorrow. We shall see.. well going to try to sleep!